i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
