You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
