When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Your cock deserves a montage
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
