Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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