Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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