i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
