I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
