i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
so let's talk penis.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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