If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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