As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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