Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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