i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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