this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
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