So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
