ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
