I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
