Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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