so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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