so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
