Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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