Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
