His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
