I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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