Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
