Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
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