Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
