So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Do you remember whose house we're in?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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