too bad you live with your parents still
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Liz is crying about burritos again.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
