Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
