the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
