i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
