She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Randomize
