: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
