i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
