I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
