420 ftw
Non-Jews are for practice
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
