i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
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