dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Randomize
