i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
