It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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