Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
We just shotgunned beers for America
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
