This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
