I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
