suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
