my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
