so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
