I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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