I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Randomize
