I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
