Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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